I was going to be meeting with some clients that I only half-way knew in college. I vaguely knew them through classes in college and mutual friends and as soon as I saw their names in my inbox, I instantly started to get that feeling in the pit of my stomach. You know, that social anxiety of, "gosh, I do NOT want to see these people, much less have to talk with them for an hour." Thoughts were running through my mind. I was quick to judge these folks by what I "thought" I knew about them in college <--- mostly things I had seen on Facebook or things I knew about our mutual friends.
Thoughts were whirling in my mind of judgment and insecurity like..
They are going to be rude.
I better dress nice or they are going to judge me and think I'm uncool or unsuccessful.
I'm sure they will act "too cool for school" and look down on me.
I hope they don't even recognize me.
How should I act?
Ridiculous.
All of these thoughts.. so ridiculous.
I felt even more ridiculous when I left the meeting and was humbled by how sweet and appreciative they were. No judgment. No awkwardness. No one thought they were better than me. No one thumped in the head with their Bible or ran over me in their Lexus.
I felt so guilty when I left-- why had I judged these people so quickly and dreaded meeting with them so much? Why had I let this anxiety fluster into my heart and waste even one minute of my precious time? What caused this?
A simple answer is: insecurity.
I would never classify myself as "insecure" but we all have moments of insecurity that flutter into our heads and hearts and give us a sense of anxiety. It's crazy, really. Had I thrown those thoughts away as soon as they entered my mind, my oh my, how different my evening and morning would have been.
The beautiful thing is that we don't have to feel this way. Are these thoughts and feelings completely natural? Of course. But they are also hurtful and wasteful. And life is too short for any of that.
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