Jinx.

I am the FIRST person to call a "jinx". When someone says something the same time as someone else, wears the same outfit, posts the same picture, you name it...I'm calling "Jinx." There are about 88 thousand cokes owed to me in the world due to such a fantastic Jinx Calling Ability that I, Annabelle Louisa Mae Alcott Flashlight Foster Rowland, possess. Thanks, Mom and Dad.

However, I think the cosmic karma of such a skill made me call my own jinx lately. Just two posts back (When Furniture Rigging Turns Emotional) , I was weeping over the keyboard about finding my journal from when I first got my diagnosis of my nephrotic syndrome.  In that post I shared of the emotional journey through appointments and going into remission and just how much stronger I felt now, having overcome. More importantly, I shared that I was in remission, no longer even thinking about this random disease that popped up and smeared my life for a little blip.

Little did I know just threeeeeeeee short days later, my body would relapse. Yuck. I mean, what weird timing?  I had been in remission, no signs, no symptoms and back to my old self again! Only to feel punched in the face with the phone call from my doctor that I had relapsed and needed to start back with my treatment immediately.

There's always that fun day or two where you just mope around like the world is gonna end. Why me? Oh, life is so hard, yada, yada, yada.  The night Dr. Green called to tell me, I laid in the bathtub and cried like a four year old for a solid hour. But in all seriousness, I was stressed and confused about all of it.  I was remembering how the medicines made me feel.. How it wrecked my emotions.. I got a chubby face and adult acne (yay!).. I just DONT wanna do this again.

But then I remembered one of the last sentences of my previous post where I wrote "I am officially in remission from Minimal Change Disease and have no remaining symptoms. But more importantly, I am no longer that scared girl at Dr Greens office. I am completely confident that whatever God brings my way, He will see me through to completion. "   Wait, I wrote that? Oh.... That's a punch in the gullet.  I was reading my OWN BLOG. My OWN words where I'm all cocky and confident about how I'm stronger and better for it and I wouldn't be that same "scared girl" again. And yet Im sitting here weeping in a bathtub about this?

That, my friends, was the ultimate Jinx. And I deserved it.  

I decided to live my own words. You're right, AFR, you are NOT that same scared girl.  And this time is going to be different.

Making that mental shift has made ALL of the difference.  I have been back on my medicines/treatments for about 6 weeks now and you know what? It HAS been totally different. I'm not moping around, sleeping in with unwashed hair and sad eyes. Im waking up early, working out every morning to fight the negative effects the medicine reeks on my body, taking care of myself and trusting my OWN words that God will see me through. With a fighting attitude, I've almost forgotten at times that I have even relapsed. 

Our minds are such powerful vessels-Directing our bodies from movement to movement, big or small.  It's truly unreal how much of our lives are controlled by our thinking. 

Whatever you're going through, no matter how big or small, make the shift in your mind. Make the decision in your mind that everything is going to be great and it will be. It truly is that simple.

XOXO